From The Editor's Desk
What’s up my brotherly brothers? As you all know, it’s pledge time, which means we have a brand new class of newbies to boss around! Ha. Consequently, this period can be a tumultuous time for us brothers as we try to think of new things to make pledges do for us, which is why, as the editor-in-chief of the Tri-Quarterly Brother Brothers Triquarterly, I present to you The Five Best Pledge Activities!
5. Have the pledges organize a food drive for your local homeless shelter. Not only do you complete your yearly community service requirement, but nothing feels better than sharing the gift of non-perishable items with the hungry. They will surely be thankful when they see those boxes of pasta lining their pantries!
4. Have the pledges cook a full-course dinner for all of your brothers. Nothing says “respect” like teaching 18-year-olds the patience of hand-cutting pasta from the finest Italian dough, to feed the finest bro’s you know.
3. Pair up pledges, it’s time to double date! Nothing inspires brotherhood quite like two pledges wing-
manning each other with two saucy Alpha Phi girls. At the end of the night when they go in for a kiss, slap both of their faces with two fistfulls of spaghetti you nabbed from the table and stuffed into your Italian-made box suitcases at the restaurant. Boo-yah!
2. Sneak into the Gamma Gamma Gamma homecoming bash and replace their jungle juice with six gallons of Alfredo sauce. They won’t know what hit them when they discover they’ve each downed a couple of cups of your fraternity’s infamous creamy Alfredo! Haha.
1. Lock a pledge in a room with two Kappa Kappa girls and don’t let him out until his pasta is al dente. But hold the phone, provolone: lather their bodies in a pot of steamy, sexy spaghetti. After you spell your name out on their chests with some primo pasta, it’s time to let loose your primo pasta. Make sure you snazzle-dazzle their rigatoni’s until you make them spaghetti-o. And remember pledges, use Prego if you don’t want her preggo!
Well, that’s all for now, brothers. In the next Tri-Quarterly issue we will be exploring the five best ways to draw triangles, and the two best ways to draw quarters. May your pesto be the best-o and your penne, molto bene.
Best Friends Forever,