Fat Jonah Hill, Skinny Jonah Hill

Spring '13

 

1. Fat Jonah/Skinny Jonah

(In the kitchen/living room area of a modern home in California. JONAH HILL is a rotund actor in a plaid shirt and jeans, should look like the real actor. His girlfriend ALLIE is in her late twenties, sitting casually on the couch watching TV. Open on a cheery JONAH coming into the home holding multiple shopping bags.)

JONAH
They had all the ingredients!

(ALLIE gets up and wanders toward the kitchen to sort through the groceries)

ALLIE
And they had the fresh goat cheese?

JONAH
You gotta milk the goat yourself if you want it any fresher.

ALLIE
And the soy chorizo?

JONAH
Yeah, I forgot what kind you like, so I picked up a couple different packs. I just…

(JONAH looks out the window with an earnest demeanor and ALLIE stops going through the bags and focuses her attention on him)

JONAH
I just realize that I’ve gotten it wrong before, at least… I realize it now. And I want you to know how important this is to me, getting things right…

(JONAH gets timid, but upon hearing his words ALLIE approaches JONAH with a smile, and wraps her arms around him)

ALLIE
Aww, Jonah-Bear. I haven’t been perfect either. We’re learning together. And now it’s kind of like we’re picking up right where we left off. It’s almost like everything’s back to normal.

JONAH
Yeah, this feels a lot more normal at least. It was weird when you could get your arms around me so easily.

ALLIE
(Laughs kindly)
Jo-nah, you know I don’t just mean the weight… But it does kind of feel like I finally have you back.

JONAH
Looks like you’ve got all of me back, Al.

(The two laugh a bit more. ALLIE kisses him on the cheek and then starts putting some of the groceries in the fridge. JONAH wanders into the next room. He walks up to a mirror and in the mirror we see SKINNY JONAH staring back at him, a disturbed, cackling smile on his face.)

ALLIE
(From the next room)
Do you want to slice the peppers or start on the filling?

JONAH
Whatever you don’t want to do, Al.

(We see FAT JONAH looking into the mirror from behind, and we continue to see the crazed reflection of SKINNY JONAH. From both views, we see JONAH removing a small tube of lipstick from his shirt pocket.)

ALLIE
I’ll do the stuffing then, I know you like getting the peppers ready.

(JONAH unbuttons his shirt and begins covering his nipples in the red lipstick. SKINNY JONAH in the reflection still flashing a crazed smile. He writes “DEATH” across his chest)

ALLIE
Oh, and Jonah, have you seen that lipstick that I had out yesterday?

(Crazed SKINNY JONAH in the mirror slowly buttons his shirt and puts the lipstick back into his shirt pocket. He winks back at FAT JONAH)

JONAH
Sorry hon, haven’t seen it.

END