Bleeker's Hardware: How Did You Hear About Us?
Thank you very much for your hardware supply order! But, before you go, we just ask that you let us now how you heard about us from the options below. It will aid us tremendously in getting our name out there and finding out what is working and what isn't. Again, thank you very much for your time.
▢ Our Twitter Account
▢ Bus Advertisement
▢ Saw us in a fever dream
▢ A flyer connected to one of the thousands of captive doves that we released a month ago
▢ From an old man who looked exactly like Malcolm MacDowell
▢ From an exploding message
▢ Overheard during an orgy
▢ Overheard during the “cool down” session after the orgy
▢ Saw our name spelled out in a bowl of “Resses Puff” cereal
▢ Saw the porno we sponsored
▢ From an emotionally distant father
▢ Went on a bender and woke up in our store
▢ Therapist implanted the memory of our store into your mind
▢ Woke up with a mysterious tattoo that read “Bleeker’s Hardware”
▢ In the news when we stole all that money from our rival, Mike’s Hardware
▢ In the news when we defaced Mike’s Hardware with graffiti that said “Mike’s Hardware will give you AIDS. Come to Bleeker’s instead.”
▢ Were drinking so much to the point where your wife decided to leave you. She took everything: The kids, your house, and your singing novelty fish. You were left with nothing. This only caused you to drink even more to the point where you were on the streets begging for change just so you could get your fix. Until one day, a man in a black shirt with a white collar offered you shelter from the cold. But this was no ordinary man, this was a catholic priest, and you were inside a large church. And as you entered the church you looked into the face of Christ upon that cross and felt the palpable presence God. You were going to change your ways. You were never going to let temptation and addictions ruin you again. You began to attend church daily and work as a janitor there to help pay off your debt to the priest. You thank God every single day for bringing the priest into your life and saving you from yourself. And for the first time in a long time you can say that you are happy. Then while on a walk you saw one of our billboards.