Where I Stand On Animal Cruelty

Spring '15

I know this might not be a popular opinion, but let me just come out and say it: I think hurting animals is bad. Yep. That’s where I stand on the matter and sorry, but I won’t budge on it. I simply can’t imagine a situation where hurting animals is good. It’s just straight up bad to hurt animals!

“Hey, do you think kicking a horse is good?”

“Hey, do you think kicking a horse is good?”

I will say, though, if maybe a dog or something disrespected your family and he was also a big tough dog, like a Great Dane, I’d understand if the dog got hurt as a result of that dis to your family. Otherwise, though, inflicting pain upon defenseless animals is pretty much one of the worst things you can do. God, I’m mad even thinking about it!

Literally the only situation where I could see it being acceptable is one where George, your neighbor’s Great Dane, is calling out from your neighbor’s yard, “Hey, freak, where’d your parents meet? An ugly convention?” and then he laughs at the joke he just made. That’s literally the only situation I can think of, off the top of my head, where it’d be okay to hurt an animal and even then it’s pretty bad, although understandable.

Listen, if you don’t believe me that hurting animals is wrong, this story should confirm it: just yesterday I heard someone say this— “Hey, do you think kicking a horse is good?” I wasn’t even part of that conversation, but I took it upon myself to jump right in. I said, “Excuse me, but kicking a horse is bad.” The man replied, “Oh yeah? Well you’re wrong. I love to hurt animals even when I’m not defending my family’s honor.” I was dumbfounded. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the President of PETA jumped into the conversation and said, “Excuse me, but kicking a horse is bad. Kicking all animals is bad, unless it’s a big strong dog like a Great Dane and he’s taunting you and your family.”

I was surprised she made that exception about the Great Dane, but I deferred to her because she’s the President of PETA, one of the leading associations dedicated to determining when hurting an animal is good or bad.

Before she left, the President of PETA said this to me, which I think is something we can all learn from: “Punching a little Chihuahua—that would be bad. Molesting a cow—that’s also bad. Kicking a big brawny Great Dane that in a way was asking for it? It’s not good, but it’s okay.” All I could say was, “Wow, thanks,” and pat her on the back because of how wise she was.

Anyway, this is all to say I plead innocent.